31 Funny And Inspirational Christmas Quotes

Today I want to share with you some funny and inspirational Christmas quotes that I have found on the internet lately. Some will make laugh but most will make you seriously reconsider how you deal with the Christmas holiday and season.

Funny And Inspirational Christmas Quotes

“Somehow not only for Christmas but all the long year through, the joy that you give to others is the joy that comes back to you.” – John Greenleaf Whittier.

“A lovely thing about Christmas is that it’s compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together.” – Garrison Keillor.

“When we were children we were grateful to those who filled our stockings at Christmas time. Why are we not grateful to God for filling our stockings with legs.” – G.K. Chesterton.

“Probably the reason we all go so haywire at Christmas time with the endless unrestrained and often silly buying of gifts is that we don’t quite know how to put our love into words.” – Harlan Miller.

“T’was the night before Christmas, when all through the house, not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.” – Clement C. Moore.

“What if Christmas, he thought, doesn’t come from a store. What if Christmas, perhaps, means a little bit more.” – Dr. Seuss.

“Never worry about the size of your Christmas tree. In the eyes of children, they are all 30 feet tall.” – Larry Wilde.

“He who has not Christmas in his heart will never find Christmas under a tree.” – Roy L Smith.

“The one thing women, don’t want to find in their stockings on Christmas morning is their husband.” – Joan Rivers.

“A Christmas tree, the perfect gift for a guy. The plant is already dead.” – Jay Leno.

“Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.” – Victor Borge.

“From home to home, and heart to heart, from one place to another. The warmth and joy of Christmas brings us closer to each other.” – Emily Matthews.

“What is Christmas? It is tenderness for the past, courage for the present, hope for the future.” – Agnes M. Pahro.

“That’s the true spirit of Christmas; people being helped by people other than me.” – Jerry Seinfield.

“Christmas is a day of meaning and traditions, a special day spent in the warm circle of family and friends.” – Margaret Thatcher.

“‘Tis blessed to bestow, and yet, could we bestow the gifts we get and keep the ones we give away, How happy were our Christmas day.” – Carolyn Wells.

“Chrismas gives us the opportunity to pause and reflect on the important things around us.” – David Cameron.

“‘One can never have enough socks,’ said Dumbledore. ‘Another Christmas has come and gone and I didn’t get a single pair.'” – J.K. Rowling.

“Christmas is a baby shower that went totally overboard.” – Andy Borowitz.

“Chrismas, my child, is love in action. Every time we love, every time we give, it’s Christmas.” – Dale Evans Rogers.

“The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree: The presence of a happy family all wrapped up in each other.” – Burton Hillis.

“For they traveled by night and they slept by day, for their guide was a beautiful wonderful star.” – Henry Wadsworth Longfellow.

“The best way to spread Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear.” – Will Ferrell.

“The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.” – George Carlin.

“The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other.” – Johnny Carson.

“I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph.” – Shirley Temple.

“Nothing’s as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas.” – Kim Hubbard.

“Christmas is the season for kindling the fire of hospitality in the hall, the genial flame of charity in the hearts.” – Irving Washington.

“People are so worried about what they eat between Christmas and the New Year, but they should worry about what they eat between the New Year and Christmas.” – Unknown.

“Christmas isn’t a season. It’s a feeling.” – Edna Ferber.

“You can tell a lot about a person by the way they handle three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights.” – Maya Angelou.

“It’s not what’s under the Christmas tree that matters, it’s who is around it.” – Anonymous.

“Aren’t we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa.” – Bart Simpson.

“Christmas gift suggestion: To your enemy, forgiveness. To your opponent, tolerance. To a friend, your heart. To a customer, service. To all, charity. To every child, a good example. To yourself, respect.” – Oren Arnold.

“Christmas is most truly Christmas when we celebrate it by giving the light of love to those who need it most.” – Ruth Carter Stapleton.

“One thing I learned from drinking is that if you ever go Christmas caroling, you should go with a group of people. And also go in mid-December.” – Louis C.K.

“Let us keep Christmas beautiful without a thought of greed, that it might live forevermore to fill our every need, that it shall not be just a day, but last a lifetime through, the miracle of Christmas time that brings God close to you.” – Ann Schultz.

“Christmas is a time when you get homesick – even when you’re home.” – Carol Nelson.

“Want to keep Christ in Christmas? Feed the hungry, clothe the naked, forgive the guilty, welcome the unwanted, care for the ill, love your enemies, and do unto others as you would have done unto you.” – Steve Maraboli.

“You can never truly enjoy Christmas until you can look into the Father’s face and tell him you have received his Christmas gift.” – John R Rice.

“Christmas is not a story of hope. It is hope.” – Craig D. Lounsbrough.

“The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree; the presence of a happy family all wrapped up in each other.” – Burton Hillis.

“There are 17 more shopping days until Christmas. So, guys, that means 16 more days till we start shopping right, right?” – Conan O’Brien.

“At Christmas tea is compulsory. Relatives are optional.” – Robert Godden.

“Lessons from a Christmas tree: 1. Be a light in the darkness. 2. We all fall over sometimes. 3. You can never wear too much glitter. 4. Bring joy to others. 5. Sparkle and twinkle as often as possible. 6. It’s okay to be a little tilted.” – Jane Lee Logan.

“A little child, a shining star, a stable rude, the door ajar. Yet in that place, so crude, forlorn, the hope of all the world was born.” – Anonymous.

“I hate the radio this time of year because they play ‘All I Want For Christmas Is You’ like every other song. And that’s just not enough.” – Bridger Winegar.

“One of the most glorious messes in the world is the mess created in the living room on Christmas Day. Don’t clean it up too quickly.” – Andy Rooney.

“Sending Christmas cards is a good way to let your friends and family know that you think they’re worth the price of a stamp.” – Melanie White.

“You know you’re getting old when Santa starts looking younger.” – Bart Simpson.

Santa Claus : Christmas quotes

“There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it.” – Edith Wharton.

“Rats. Nobody sent me a Christmas card today. I almost wish there wasn’t a holiday season. I know nobody likes me. Why do we have to have a holiday season to emphasize it?” – Charlie Brown.

“Do give books – religious or otherwise – for Christmas. They’re never fattening, seldom sinful, and permanently personal.” – Lenore Hershey.

“There’s nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.” – Erma Bombeck.

“Heap on the wood! – the wind is chill; But let it whistle as it will, we’ll keep our Christmas merry still.” – Walter Scott, Sr.

“There is a remarkable breakdown of taste and intelligence at Christmastime. Mature, responsible grown men wear neckties made of holly leaves and drink alcoholic beverages with raw egg yolks and cottage cheese in them.” – P.J. O’Rourke.

“It may be a cliche, but it’s true – the build-up to Christmas is too much more pleasurable than the actual day itself.” – Julie Burchill.

“Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you: he is Christ the Lord.” – Luke 2:11.

“My mother-in-law has come round to our house at Christmas seven years running. This year we’re having a change. We’re going to let her in.” – Leslie Les Dawson, Jr.

“Bless us Lord, this Christmas, with quietness of mind; teach us to be patient and always to be kind.” – Helen Steiner Rice.

Ellen DeGeneres

“Nothing says holiday like a cheese log.” – Ellen DeGeneres.

“One good thing about Christmas shopping is it toughens you for the January sales.” – Grace Kriley.

“May the beautiful lights of every holiday season remind us of Him who is the source of all light.” – David A. Bednar.

“Christmas is the season when you buy this year’s gifts with next year’s money.” – Author Unknown.

“Love the giver more than the gift.” – Brigham Young.

“For unto us a child is born, unto us, a son is given: and the government shall be upon his shoulder: and his name shall be called Wonderful, Counselor, The mighty God, The everlasting Father, The Prince of Peace.” – Isaiah 9:6.

“There’ll always be Christmas as long as a light glows in the window to guide folks at night, as long as a star in the heavens above, keeps shining down…there’ll be Christmas and love.” – Edna Jacques.

“When they saw the star they rejoiced with exceeding great joy.” – Matthew 2:10.

“Every Christmas a thousand, thousand preachers ask if we will make more room for Jesus than the Bethlehem innkeeper of long ago ever did.” – Les Norman.

Related Post: Funny Shopping Quotes

These are the only funny and inspirational Christmas Quotes I could find for the time being but I intend to add more in the coming days.