31 Funny And Inspirational Christmas Quotes

Today I want to share with you some funny and inspirational Christmas quotes that I have found on the internet lately. Some will make laugh but most will make you seriously reconsider how you deal with the Christmas holiday and season.

Funny And Inspirational Christmas Quotes

“Somehow not only for Christmas but all the long year through, the joy that you give to others is the joy that comes back to you.” – John Greenleaf Whittier.

This is really true as what you sow is what you will reap. The gifts that you give will cement the relationships that you have with people and in your time of need they will come through for you.

“A lovely thing about Christmas is that it’s compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together.” – Garrison Keillor.

I don’t know how our individualistic societies would survive without such holidays as Christmas and Thanksgiving. They kind of force to remember that we are not alone on this planet. That others need our time too.

“When we were children we were grateful to those who filled our stockings at Christmas time. Why are we not grateful to God for filling our stockings with legs.” – G.K. Chesterton.

The Lord has been good for us but sometimes we forget the little things that make our life worth a living. Instead we focus the problems forgetting the thousands of things we should be grateful to the Lord for. May this Christmas be the time that will force you to count your many blessings.

“Probably the reason we all go so haywire at Christmas time with the endless unrestrained and often silly buying of gifts is that we don’t quite know how to put our love into words.” – Harlan Miller.

Gifts are definitely not a substitute for our time with our family and friends. During this season we need to find time to share with those that matter in our lives. No amount of money or gifts can replace the quality time you have with your family.

“T’was the night before Christmas, when all through the house, not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.” – Clement C. Moore.

“What if Christmas, he thought, doesn’t come from a store. What if Christmas, perhaps, means a little bit more.” – Dr. Seuss.

That is what happens when a season is commercialised and everyone is made to believe that if they don’t spend then they are not really doing their part on Christmas. May you not spend beyond your means during this Christmas season.

“Never worry about the size of your Christmas tree. In the eyes of children, they are all 30 feet tall.” – Larry Wilde.

Trying to impress your family and friends does not always work. Don’t overstretch yourself financially this Christmas.

“He who has not Christmas in his heart will never find Christmas under a tree.” – Roy L Smith.

Christmas is definitely not a time to fool people that you care when you don’t. Be good to them before Christmas. Call them and send them flowers outside the Christmas season and they will know that you care.
Joan Rivers Christmas quote

“The one thing women, don’t want to find in their stockings on Christmas morning is their husband.” – Joan Rivers.

Let’s hope this applies to only a few women. Hopefully the majority of the ladies should be happy to see their husbands.

“A Christmas tree, the perfect gift for a guy. The plant is already dead.” – Jay Leno.

Very funny indeed from the one and only Jay Leno.

“Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.” – Victor Borge.

I see the joke, however visit people as many times as you can. It will be beneficial to you too. Man is a social being.

“From home to home, and heart to heart, from one place to another. The warmth and joy of Christmas brings us closer to each other.” – Emily Matthews.

In this busy world, Christmas affords us the opportunity to come closer to those that matter a lot to us. Imagine if there was no Christmas, there would be many parents who would spend a whole year feeling abandoned by their children.

“What is Christmas? It is tenderness for the past, courage for the present, hope for the future.” – Agnes M. Pahro.

True. May Christmas bring bonds that will last.

“That’s the true spirit of Christmas; people being helped by people other than me.” – Jerry Seinfield.

Funny but that what makes Christmas special – the giving of gifts and time.

“Christmas is a day of meaning and traditions, a special day spent in the warm circle of family and friends.” – Margaret Thatcher.

Really a good time to see those that matter and feel special again from their warmth. I may not agree with this lady on many things but on this we do.

“‘Tis blessed to bestow, and yet, Could we bestow the gifts we get and keep the ones we give away, How happy were our Christmas day.” – Carolyn Wells.

Blessed is the hand that giveth from the one that receiveth.

“Chrismas gives us the opportunity to pause and reflect on the important things around us.” – David Cameron.

Throughout the year our priorities may be all over the place but Christmas allows us to focus on those things that really matter.

“‘One can never have enough socks,’ said Dumbledore. ‘Another Christmas has come and gone and I didn’t get a single pair.'” – J.K. Rowling.

I get gifts of socks every Christmas and end up misplacing them LOL.

“Christmas is a baby shower that went totally overboard.” – Andy Borowitz.

Very funny indeed. It is good that we at least have a season when we can let our guard down.

“Chrismas, my child, is love in action. Every time we love, every time we give, it’s Christmas.” – Dale Evans Rogers.

Love is the greatest gift of all. Without love our actions and gifts will be meaningless.

“The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree: The presence of a happy family all wrapped up in each other.” – Burton Hillis.

Probably my favorite Christmas quote. It is the time that we spend with our loved ones that really matters and not the material gifts we give each other.

“For they traveled by night and they slept by day, for their guide was a beautiful wonderful star.” – Henry Wadsworth Longfellow.

It is easy to forget the real reason why we celebrate Christmas. It is becaause the birth of Jesus.

“The best way to spread Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear.” – Will Ferrell.

Really cool and funny Christmas quote!

“The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.” – George Carlin.

Really? May be its because of the smiles he sees on the faces of beneficiaries of his gifts.

“The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other.” – Johnny Carson.

Not a good gift for those trying to lose weight. Maybe we need to invent a way of baking cakes that have no sugar in them.

“I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph.” – Shirley Temple.

Even Santa Claus is a fan of autographs. Very funny indeed.

“Nothing’s as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas.” – Kim Hubbard.

They probably prefer games and toys.

“Christmas is the season for kindling the fire of hospitality in the hall, the genial flame of charity in the hearts.” – Irving Washington.

This quote really brings out the reason why the western world needs Christmas. It brings the best in all of us. The best that remains hidden throughout the year.

“People are so worried about what they eat between Christmas and the New Year, but they should worry about what they eat between the New Year and Christmas.” – Unknown.

Really true. If we ate properly throughout the year then spoiling ourselves during Christmas would not worry us that much. Unfortunately we have “Christmas” throughout the year.

“Christmas isn’t a season. It’s a feeling.” – Edna Ferber.

I think it is more than a feeling.
Maya Angelou - Christmas quote
Maya Angelou

“You can tell a lot about a person by the way they handle three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights.” – Maya Angelou.

Maya Angelou was spot on on this. It is times of crisis that reveal our true natures. In normal times every one is a lady and a gentleman. You only need to wait until the weather changes, until we lose our jobs, etc, that is when our true selves comes out.

“It’s not what’s under the Christmas tree that matters, it’s who is around it.” – Anonymous.

That is what most parents miss the most. The gifts won’t fill the vacuum left by your absense. You need to be there for them during the Christmas season. Most old people are dying early due to loneliness and no amount of gifts are not going to deal with that.

“Aren’t we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa.” – Bart Simpson.

It is easy to forget the true meaning of Christmas in these days when it has become too commercialised. We end forgetting that Christmas came about to celebrate the love of God who sent his son to live among us.

“Christmas gift suggestion: To your enemy, forgiveness. To your opponent, tolerance. To a friend, your heart. To a customer, service. To all, charity. To every child, a good example. To yourself, respect.” – Oren Arnold.

These are definitely the best gifts you can ever give during the Christmas season. These are Christmas gifts that money cannot buy as they are simply priceless.
Ruth Carter Stapleton - Christmas quote
Ruth Carter Stapleton

“Christmas is most truly Christmas when we celebrate it by giving the light of love to those who need it most.” – Ruth Carter Stapleton.

“One thing I learned from drinking is that if you ever go Christmas caroling, you should go with a group of people. And also go in mid-December.” – Louis C.K.

“Let us keep Christmas beautiful without a thought of greed, that it might live forevermore to fill our every need, that it shall not be just a day, but last a lifetime through, the miracle of Christmas time that brings God close to you.” – Ann Schultz.

“Christmas is a time when you get homesick – even when you’re home.” – Carol Nelson.

“Want to keep Christ in Christmas? Feed the hungry, clothe the naked, forgive the guilty, welcome the unwanted, care for the ill, love your enemies, and do unto others as you would have done unto you.” – Steve Maraboli.

“You can never truly enjoy Christmas until you can look into the Father’s face and tell him you have received his Christmas gift.” – John R Rice.

“Christmas is not a story of hope. It is hope.” – Craig D. Lounsbrough.

“The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree; the presence of a happy family all wrapped up in each other.” – Burton Hillis.

“There are 17 more shopping days until Christmas. So, guys, that means 16 more days till we start shopping right, right?” – Conan O’Brien.

“At Christmas tea is compulsory. Relatives are optional.” – Robert Godden.

“Lessons from a Christmas tree: 1. Be a light in the darkness. 2. We all fall over sometimes. 3. You can never wear too much glitter. 4. Bring joy to others. 5. Sparkle and twinkle as often as possible. 6. It’s okay to be a little tilted.” – Jane Lee Logan.

“A little child, a shining star, a stable rude, the door ajar. Yet in that place, so crude, forlorn, the hope of all the world was born.” – Anonymous.

“I hate the radio this time of year because they play ‘All I Want For Christmas Is You’ like every other song. And that’s just not enough.” – Bridger Winegar.

“One of the most glorious messes in the world is the mess created in the living room on Christmas Day. Don’t clean it up too quickly.” – Andy Rooney.

“Sending Christmas cards is a good way to let your friends and family know that you think they’re worth the price of a stamp.” – Melanie White.

“You know you’re getting old when Santa starts looking younger.” – Bart Simpson.

Santa Claus : Christmas quotes

“There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it.” – Edith Wharton.

“Rats. Nobody sent me a Christmas card today. I almost wish there wasn’t a holiday season. I know nobody likes me. Why do we have to have a holiday season to emphasize it?” – Charlie Brown.

“Do give books – religious or otherwise – for Christmas. They’re never fattening, seldom sinful, and permanently personal.” – Lenore Hershey.

“There’s nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.” – Erma Bombeck.

“Heap on the wood! – the wind is chill; But let it whistle as it will, we’ll keep our Christmas merry still.” – Walter Scott, Sr.

“There is a remarkable breakdown of taste and intelligence at Christmastime. Mature, responsible grown men wear neckties made of holly leaves and drink alcoholic beverages with raw egg yolks and cottage cheese in them.” – P.J. O’Rourke.

“It may be a cliche, but it’s true – the build-up to Christmas is too much more pleasurable than the actual day itself.” – Julie Burchill.

“Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you: he is Christ the Lord.” – Luke 2:11.

“My mother-in-law has come round to our house at Christmas seven years running. This year we’re having a change. We’re going to let her in.” – Leslie Les Dawson, Jr.

Helen Steiner - Christmas quote

“Bless us Lord, this Christmas, with quietness of mind; teach us to be patient and always to be kind.” – Helen Steiner Rice.

Ellen DeGeneres

“Nothing says holiday like a cheese log.” – Ellen DeGeneres.

“One good thing about Christmas shopping is it toughens you for the January sales.” – Grace Kriley.

“May the beautiful lights of every holiday season remind us of Him who is the source of all light.” – David A. Bednar.

“Christmas is the season when you buy this year’s gifts with next year’s money.” – Author Unknown.

“Love the giver more than the gift.” – Brigham Young.

“For unto us a child is born, unto us, a son is given: and the government shall be upon his shoulder: and his name shall be called Wonderful, Counselor, The mighty God, The everlasting Father, The Prince of Peace.” – Isaiah 9:6.

“There’ll always be Christmas as long as a light glows in the window to guide folks at night, as long as a star in the heavens above, keeps shining down…there’ll be Christmas and love.” – Edna Jacques.

“When they saw the star they rejoiced with exceeding great joy.” – Matthew 2:10.

“Every Christmas a thousand, thousand preachers ask if we will make more room for Jesus than the Bethlehem innkeeper of long ago ever did.” – Les Norman.

Related Post: Funny Shopping Quotes

These are the only funny and inspirational Christmas Quotes I could find for the time being but I intend to add more in the coming days.